Eunice Elliott

Last week I discussed having so many goals that I felt overwhelmed by them. I came to the conclusion that I needed to focus on my dreams one at a time by making one my top priority at least for 12 months. But then I had no idea which aspiration to concentrate on first.

Enter Eunice Elliott. This Birmingham-based motivational speaker helped me make my choice. Visit See Jane Write to find out how and what I decided.

Let's start a feminist book club!

Because I'm an English teacher I read constantly. Each time I teach a book, I reread it. That means every year I read The Scarlet Letter, The Awakening, Fahrenheit 451, The Turn of the Screw, Anthem, To Kill a Mockingbird, Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass and a number of other works of classic literature.

Unfortunately, this doesn't leave much time for the contemporary fiction, memoirs, or feminist non-fiction that I long to read. But last month when I lead a group of women who were reading and discussing Sheryl Sandberg's Lean In I made time to reread the book. There was no room for excuses. If I didn't reread the material, I couldn't be a good group leader. I took the task as seriously as I take my job as a teacher.

And so I realized what I need to do to read more -- I need to start a book club.

But I also need your help.

I'm trying to decide on a few things about this little book club of mine.

Should the book club be virtual, IRL, or both? I could post videos and discussion questions online or if most of the people who want to participate are in Birmingham we could actually meet at a local coffee shop once a month. Or I could always do some combination of both. What do you think?

Should I host the book club here, on the See Jane Write Birmingham blog or at SeeJaneWriteMagazine.com?  

What types of books should we read? I'd like this to be a feminist book club, but will we read books on writing, creative non-fiction, fiction, or a mixture of all these genres? I prefer non-fiction (it's the journalist in me) but I do like variety.

I'd really appreciate feedback and feel free to suggest specific books too.

Do you have a personal mission statement?

I do. I first drafted one about two years ago when I realized that having one would be the only thing that could help me learn to say "No." I was ridiculously overcommitted and realized that by stretching myself so thin I was living a life of mediocrity. I was good at a lot of things but great at nothing. With my personal mission statement in hand I cut out all commitments that didn't directly further that mission.

I recently revisited and revamped my statement in preparation for co-leading a workshop on the matter. Here's my current personal mission statement:

my personal mission statement, taped to my bedroom mirror

But this mission of mine still hasn't solved one problem: while this statement has helped me learn to say "No" to other people, it has not taught me how to say "No" to myself.

I have so many ideas, so many things I want to do and I'm trying to do them all at once. And that's not working. AT. ALL.

I want to take my teaching career to the next level.
I want to do more freelance writing and see my byline in all my favorite publications.
I want See Jane Write to offer more resources to its members and to the Birmingham community.
I want to host a See Jane Write conference.
I want to run a successful online magazine.
I want to be a blogging star.
I want to write a book.

I'm currently working on most of these in some capacity but not making much progress on any of them because I'm spreading myself too thin, just as I was when I was saying "Yes" to every single person who asked for my help or participation.

At the 2011 Skirt Creative Conference, which I had the privilege to attend, author Claire Cook told the ambitious ladies of letters in the audience that we can do it all, but not all at once.

It's time I took her words of wisdom to heart.

I'd like to accomplish all the goals listed above by age 40. That's seven years from now and I just so happen to have seven goals listed. So each year one goal will take priority over all others.

Now I'm going to go stare at the ceiling and try to figure out my focus for the next 12 months.

How did you learn to say "No" to yourself? 

I'm sorry to write about the Ban Bossy campaign two days in a row. But yesterday, after sharing my last post via social media I found myself essentially writing a second blog post in Facebook threads.  I figured I should get some of those pageviews and not give them all to Mark Zuckerberg.

Some people seem to have missed the point of the Ban Bossy campaign.

Firstly, #BanBossy, in my opinion, is not telling parents to stop correcting their daughters if they're being disrespectful or rude. 

Parents may look at this campaign and ask, "But what if my daughter is being bossy?" Then you need to do something about it. Nobody's saying let your kid be a jerk. 

Ironically, in her post The Problem with Banning Bossy, Ann Handley actually stated the point I'd like to make in support of #BanBossy: 

The campaign is really more about banning attitudes than banning the word, of course. In some people’s minds, “woman leader” (“strong woman”) often equals “bossy.” (Or worse.)

Exactly. 

Handley said she discussed this campaign with her daughter Caroline and her response (paraphrased by Handley) was:  “But bossy girls aren’t leaders.” 

And Caroline is right. 

Let's look at the definitions Handley lays out in her post: 

Bossy (adjective): Fond of giving people orders; domineering. Synonyms: domineering, pushy, overbearing, imperious, high-handed, authoritation, dictatorial, controlling 

Lead·er·ship (noun): The action of leading a group of people or an organization. Synonyms: guidance, direction, control, management, supervision, superintendence 

But here's the problem. No, leader doesn't equal bossy, but society didn't seem to get that memo, at least when it comes to women and girls. 

If a girl is being bossy, if she is being "domineering," "pushy," or "overbearing" you should absolutely call her out on it and that behavior is absolutely not the makings of a good leader. 

But oftentimes girls offering constructive "guidance" or "direction" are called bossy too. And when those girls become women they're called "bossy," "aggressive," "intimidating" or even "a bitch." 

Secondly, I don't think Facebook chief operating officer and Lean In author Sheryl Sandberg, Girl Scouts USA CEO Anna Maria Chávez, or any of the other women involved in this campaign are naive enough to think they will change the world simply by getting parents and teachers to stop calling girls bossy.

Ban bossy, but don't stop there. BanBossy.com offers a wealth of information on how to encourage leadership in girls and even tips for girls themselves. Speak up in class, challenge yourself, ask for help, and don't do everybody's work -- are just a few tips the site offers for girls, tips I could have certainly used when I was growing up. As an educator I especially appreciate the tips for teachers on cultivating gender equity in the classroom. 

BanBossy.com also gives information on great programs like Black Girls Code, which seeks to introduce girls in underrepresented communities to computer programming through workshops and after-school programs. The site also includes links to books and films with strong female characters. 

Lastly, I'm frustrated that we're wasting so much time arguing over semantics. You may be thinking, "I don't think 'bossy' is the word we should be focusing on." And you're right, but you're also missing the point. We shouldn't simply be focusing on "bossy" or any other single word. The goal of the #BanBossy campaign is not to simply ban a five letter word but to start a discussion about and spark action toward encouraging female leadership. Again, it's not about banning a word; it's about banning attitudes that discourage women and girls to speak their minds and strive for lofty goals.

#BanBossy is simply a clever way to get folks' attention about this important issue.  Does this mean #BanBossy is a marketing ploy? Of course, it's a marketing ploy! But, unfortunately, we live in a world where everything, even movements for social change, need a PR plan. I'm not happy about that, but it's the truth. And I'd rather get behind a marketing campaign with a greater cause, a cause that I essentially devote my life to, than a campaign for something ridiculous that I won't give a shit about in two months. 

So remember, you can ban bossy, but please don't stop there because that's not the point. Encourage the girls in your life to be good leaders, whether they're getting called bossy or not.  

I'm not a parent, but should my life take an unexpected turn I become the mother to a little girl I pledge to never call her bossy. Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook chief operating officer and author of the best-selling book Lean In, wants you to make that promise too. 

Sandberg has teamed up with former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and Girl Scouts USA CEO Anna Maria Chávez to launch a public service campaign called "Ban Bossy." The BanBossy.com website offers tips for girls, parents teachers, managers, and troop leaders on how to encourage young female leaders. 

And the website asks you to publicly pledge via social media to ban the word bossy. Why make such a big deal about such a little word? As stated on BanBossy.com: 

When a little boy asserts himself, he's called a “leader.” Yet when a little girl does the same, she risks being branded “bossy.” Words like bossy send a message: don't raise your hand or speak up. By middle school, girls are less interested in leading than boys—a trend that continues into adulthood. 

The website also features a video that includes appearances by Sandberg and Rice as well as pop star Beyonce, actress Jennifer Garner and a number of other celebrities. Take a look: 

"I'm not bossy. I'm the boss!" -- that statement by Beyonce makes me want to pump my fist to the sky and yell, "Girl power!" But another thing I really appreciate about this video is that it includes men too. I believe it's important for us all to recognize that if the number of female leaders is going to significantly increase, men must be involved in this movement. They must be willing to mentor and support their female colleagues or employees and fathers must be willing to encourage their daughters to pursue dreams just as bold as the hopes they have for their sons. 

At the Vitalogy Wellness Center Open House Party and having too much fun on the job with my pal Tanya.

Currently is a feature Dani Hampton of Sometimes Sweet and several other bloggers I follow occasionally post on their sites. Currently is essentially a list of what you're into at the moment and is a great way for your readers to get to know you better. Today I decided to do a Currently post with a twist. And so I present Currently -- The Writer's Edition. 

Freelancing for UAB Magazine, along with several other local media outlets. Because I am a teacher, my piece State of Education: UAB Alumni Serve at Alabama's Top Teachers means a lot to me. This piece for UAB Magazine was one of the first opportunities I've had to marry my interest in education with my journalistic work. 

Brainstorming ideas for short stories and poems. This is something I haven't done since college, but lately I've been thinking a lot about getting back into writing fiction and poetry. Perhaps it's because I'm so inspired by my students in our school's creative writing department. Or perhaps it's because of all wonderful literature read by the women who participated in Phenomenal Woman, the African-American read-in See Jane Write hosted last month. The powerful prose and poetry read that night reminded me of why I fell in love with writing in the first place. It wasn't see my name in magazines or on the cover of books. It wasn't for blog page views either. I wrote because I loved to do so. Last month's See Jane Write event made me want to write like a girl again. I want to sit in my room for hours writing not because I need to meet a deadline but because I just can't help myself.

Pitching to WBHM. Each month I'm pitching story ideas to my city's NPR affiliate. Each month you can find a new blog post by yours truly on WBHM.org. And on the last Friday of each month you can catch me on the air at 90.3 FM (or on the website if you don't live in Birmingham) discussing my latest post. Last month I explored the meaning of feminism and womanism in a post called In Search of My Womanist Self. You can hear an excerpt of my radio segment here. 

Blogging about wellness. Not only am I'm writing about my fitness adventures as I attempt to exercise daily, but on March 6 I had the opportunity to cover the Vitalogy Wellness Center Open House Party as part of B-Metro magazine's Blog Team. While I was there I even had my first Ashiatsu massage. That's right; I let somebody walk on my back for the sake of a blog post. It was worth it. 

What's going on in your writing life? 

This is supposed to be my tough girl face, but it's hard to look mean when you're having so much fun
(and wearing pink boxing gloves, which, of course, I requested).

I have yet another reason to love Jillian Michaels.

Today I took a boxing bootcamp class at Juarez Boxing with about a dozen members of the Birmingham Girls Club. It was one of the best workouts I've had in a long time and I left the boxing gym feeling like I was Laila Ali. I plan to start taking classes at Juarez Boxing at least once a week. (Birmingham babes, let me know if you'd like to join me for a class.)

Before today I hadn't taken a boxing class in years, so as gym owner Martin Juarez helped me with my boxer hand wraps I felt a bit of trepidation in my belly.

Then our warm up began. Jumping jacks! Quick punches! High knees! My heart rate began to elevate, but as I repeated these exercises for our warm-up circuit I was able to do each move with relative ease. Though I hadn't boxed in years, for my body, this warm up was nothing new as I often do the same exercises when working out with Jillian Michaels DVDs in my living room.

Jumping Jacks! 

After the warmup we gloved up, found a partner, and did a series of workouts around the gym punching heavy bags and speed bags, working on our foot work, jabs, and cross punches in the ring, and jumping rope. And every now and then Juarez would yell, "Stop, drop and give me 10 push ups!"

And I could do it all! In fact, the only time I even had to take breaks was when I was jumping rope and that was due to joint pain, not because I was out of breath.

Martin Juarez (left) demonstrating some punches for us.

Exercising every day and suffering Jillian Michaels screaming at me through my television have really improved my endurance. Don't get me wrong; my skin was still glistening and my clothes soaked with sweat halfway through the bootcamp. This workout was tough, but made me realize that so am I.

This couldn't have happened at a better time. I had been feeling a bit discouraged regarding my goal of exercising every day this year. I haven't missed a day, but when I stepped on the scale at the doctor's office recently and saw that I hadn't lost any weight since my last visit, my heart sank. I know I said I wasn't taking on this 365 Days of Fitness challenge to shed pounds and I meant that. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't hope weight loss would be a side effect.

But today's workout reminded me that weight ain't nothing but a number. My clothes fit better. I feel better. And today I would have made Jillian proud.