How to Be a Southern Woman

I didn't own a cast iron skillet
until a friend bought me this one for my 32nd birthday.
Does this make me a poor excuse for a Southern woman?

"You are not a real Southern woman!" my mother-in-law said when she learned that I'm not a fan of collard greens. How could a girl born and raised in Alabama not like collard greens, she asked. 

Though my mother-in-law was joking, this wasn't the first time I was accused of not being a true Southern woman and it certainly was not the last. I'm a liberal feminist who doesn't want children and who hates to cook. By the stereotypical notion of what it means to be a Southern lady, the only thing Southern about me is my drawl. And some folks even claim not to notice that, which is crazy because I can add extra syllables to words with the best of them.

Though I did feel quite at home when I lived on the West Coast and in the Mid West, I am glad to be back in Alabama, back in the Deep South -- my true home. And I love being from the South. I am proud of my roots. I am proud to be a Southern woman, and, yes, I am a real Southern lady, at least by my own definition. 

I am the woman who understands the value of family, food, fashion, and faith. And this is what makes me a true Southern woman.

I may not want children, but I still value family. I believe in honoring my parents and my husband with all that I do. My brother is one of my very best friends. And, as I've mentioned before, I get really annoyed when people say to my husband and me, "Don't you two want to start a family?" We have traditions, great memories, and unconditional love for each other. We are a family.

And I keep my family fed, even though I don't like to cook. And if you come to my house, I'll feed you too because I believe in Southern hospitality. And I believe that people bond best over food, which is why if you want to hang out with me I'm going to always suggest we go out for brunch, lunch, dinner, or any other meal I can think of.

And when we do go out, my outfit will be cute. In the South dressing inappropriately for an occasion is considered just downright rude. Thus, down here fashion isn't about vanity, it's about good manners. So if you've invited me to an event in July, you better believe I've already started thinking about what I'm going to wear.

Though I am liberal on several social issues, I am a woman of faith. I'm a church-going gal and proud of it. My relationship with God directs my decisions and colors my worldview. Albert Einstein once said "There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle." I believe everything is a miracle and I believe that because of my faith in my God. 

And in case you're thinking I should have added football to my list, I have that covered too: Roll Tide!

Proud Southern Lady!

This post was also published on my new blog on The Southern Coterie, "the social network of the SOUTH." This online community is for Southerners and all those who love the South. 

My Writeous Week

Even though it was quite horrifying to see my big head taking up a whole page of a magazine, I am extremely honored to be featured in B-Metro's women's issue this month. The article is about my wrote with See Jane Write and you can read it here.

Last week was an exciting one for See Jane Write.

Birmingham-based authors Irene Latham, Kathryn C. Lang, and T.K. Thorne

On Tuesday we hosted a panel discussion on publishing. With more than 50 people in attendance, the event was a huge success. Click here to read a recap of the great information our panelists (pictured above) had to offer.

And on Thursday I hosted a See Jane Write planning session and the first See Jane Write Magazine staff meeting.

Big things are certainly in store!

May Intentions

Even my iMadeFace avatar is ready for summer break. Less than four weeks to go!

There's something about turning my calendar to a new month that reenergizes me. I know it's silly. Nothing has really changed in my life simply because it's now May, but I'm excited nonetheless.

I used to post my intentions for the month on this little blog of mine and I've decided to bring back that tradition today.

This month I intend to...

Exercise every day. I've been trying to do this every month this year and every month I fail. But you know what they say: if at first you don't succeed...

Anyone want to help me grade papers?

Keep calm during end-of-the-school-year chaos. Yesterday I nearly had a panic attack as I looked at the stack of papers I have to grade, especially when I considered that this pile didn't even include the 65 research papers I'll be lugging home Monday afternoon. My heart started to race and I found myself being short with my students. It was time to chill out.

And I plan to maintain peace by spending at least 15 minutes of quiet time with God first thing, each morning. Philippians 4 says if I pray, the peace of God will guard my heart and mind. So I'm going to sacrifice hitting the snooze button because I believe this is true.

Spend more quality time with my husband. People who know me well know that I am an extremely goal-oriented and ambitious woman and I'm fortunate enough to be married to a man who is just as driven as I am and who supports all my endeavors. But all these lofty aspirations mean hubs and I don't spend nearly as much time together as we should. Even when we attend local events together we're usually not side by side but can be seen working the room solo, busily networking like any good power couple should. But this power couple needs to power down a bit and spend time working on our most important enterprise -- our marriage.

Clean and organize every room of my apartment. People assume I'm a very neat and organized person because I generally appear put together, because I meticulously plan out my day with lists, and because I'm married to a neat freak. It's a façade. In reality I'm a complete slob. When my husband goes out of town I live like a frat boy with clothes strewn all over the living room and empty pizza boxes stacked on the kitchen counter. Of course, the place is spotless when he returns home. But when he goes out of town at the end of this month I'm going to spend the entire week he's gone cleaning and organizing. (But I'm still eating pizza for dinner.)

Why Poetry Matters To Me

April is National Poetry Month and Birmingham-based poet and blogger Gabriel Gadfly has invited his readers to create and submit video on why poetry matters to them. Gabriel has been posting this videos on his blog all month. I just had to join in on the fun and figured I'd post the video here too.

So here is why poetry matters to me...

This Is What a Feminist Looks Like

A feminist is a dress! Gasp!

Can a black woman be a feminist?

I've been told on more than one occasion that the answer to that question is "No!" Last week I shared my story of being told I can't be a feminist because I'm black in a blog post for Birmingham's NPR station WBHM. When someone tells me, however, that I don't look like a feminist -- and I get that comment a lot -- they usually aren't talking about my race. 

Back when I worked for a weekly lifestyles magazine in Louisville, I frequently wrote articles that might have caused female readers to raise their fists in the air and yell "Girl power!" I quickly became known for as the paper's resident feminist. 

Yet, when a young woman from another department came to our office to discuss an idea she had for a women's empowerment project she went to the female reporter who sat in the cubicle next to mine.  She even said to my colleague, "I know you write a lot about feminism and that it's something very important to you." Everyone in the office, including my colleague to whom she was speaking, stared at her with confused looks on their faces. Then my colleague pointed to me and said, "Javacia writes about women's issues. Not me. You're probably talking about her articles." The look of shock on her face was priceless. 

When this woman came to our office in search the resident feminist she didn't even bother asking anyone to point her in the right direction. She walked directly to my colleague. Did she assume that I couldn't have been the feminist writer because I'm black? Possibly, but I doubt my race had much to do with it. 

My co-worker only wore neutral colors and never wore makeup or heels. She also refused to shave her arm pits or legs. Meanwhile, I was probably sitting there in a floral top, trendy jeans and pumps. I'm sure my eyeshadow was perfectly color coordinated with my outfit and my cubicle looked like the color pink had thrown up all over it. In other words, I'm sure that woman didn't come to me because she didn't think I looked like a feminist. 

Can a woman be both feminist and so-called feminine? Absolutely! And frankly I'm tired of having this conversation. It's getting old, people.

Julia Gazdag recently addressed this topic quite wonderfully in a post for Hello Giggles and in that article referenced a quote from Caitlin Moran who reminds us that "the purpose of feminism isn't to make a particular type of woman." 

Gazdag goes on to say: 

The idea that women cannot express their femininity and be autonomous is really saying that women must emulate men to have a voice, when in fact, the goal of feminism is for every woman to feel empowered as a person instead of feeling gendered.

Amen. 

I believe in the equality of the sexes and this is what makes me a feminist. Period. Writing and empowering other women to write is what I consider my calling and this calling has become my form of feminist activism. The validity of my work should not be questioned simply because the finger tips typing my feminist texts are adorned with fuchsia nail polish.