Melissa Harris-Perry

People always say you should never meet your heroes. They say that when you do you will inevitably be disappointed as there's no way your role models will live up to your expectations. They will almost always fall from that pedestal on which you've placed them.

Monday night I met one of my heroes. Melissa Harris-Perry of MSNBC's Melissa Harris-Perry Show visited Birmingham to give a talk she called "Crashing Into Michael Brown" through which she discussed race-related issues of the past decade while tying them to the legacy of the civil rights movement of the 1960s. The talk, held at the Alys Stephens Center, was in celebration Black History Month and part of the University of Alabama at Birmingham's lecture series.

Harris-Perry didn't simply live up to my expectations; she surpassed them. As we were leaving the event I told my husband, "I didn't think it  possible for me to love her more than I already did, but I do!"

Monday was also my birthday and my sweet, sweet husband pulled some strings to get us access to the VIP reception held before Harris-Perry's talk. I had the chance to have a real conversation with her, not just exchange a handshake and a smile. She actually gave me a hug and we even took a selfie!

Here's why I'm glad I met my hero Melissa Harris-Perry:

My hero reminded me to be kind. Harris-Perry greeted her fans with such gratefulness and grace. She seemed genuinely happy to see each and every one of us. And during her talk, this idea of kindness took on even deeper meaning. Harris-Perry's discussion of civil rights reminded us that there should be no separation between the fight for racial equality, gender equality and gay rights. We need them all, we need them all now, and we all need to be a part of this fight. Being kind isn't about extending a handshake and a smile. It's about making the people around you feel important and known.

My hero reminded me to be humble. Let me be honest: If I were Melissa Harris-Perry it would be hard for me to be humble. I mean, she's absolutely amazing! Not only does she have her own show but she's the author of books like Sister Citizen: Shame, Stereotypes, and Black Women in America, she's a contributing editor for Essence magazine and she's a professor at Wake Forest. And on top of all that she's a wife and a mom and she's freaking gorgeous! But not once during her talk did Harris-Perry boast about her accomplishments. I think her sense of humility stems from the fact that she has not forgotten from whence she came. Harris-Perry started her talk by saluting the sacrifices of the men, women, and children of the civil rights movement of the 1960s. "I'm not sure what my people are made of," she said in awe recalling the courage of people like Elizabeth Eckford, the brave black girl who in 1957 tried to integrate the all white Central High School in Little Rock, Arkansas. Race is not real, Harris-Perry reminded us, but we all know that racism certainly is. And the fights against racism are often won over broken black bodies. Never forget.

My hero reminded me to be myself. I had no plans of blogging about Monday's event. I didn't take a single note during Harris-Perry's talk, which is unheard of for me. I'm the girl who will fill an entire notebook at a conference. But I just wanted to sit and soak in every word she spoke and believe me I could have listened to Harris-Perry all day. Never in my life have I seen someone speak who is so brilliant yet still so relatable. She could go from Professor Harris-Perry to Melissa from the Block in two seconds flat and I loved it!  She has the audacity to be authentic and I aspire to one day have the same.

Respectability will not save you. Harris-Perry repeated this phrase again and again Monday night and I can't get it out of my head because I must admit that there was a time when I thought that it would. I thought that if I talked a certain way and dressed a certain way and read all the right books that I would be accepted, that I would be considered good enough despite my race, my gender, or my Southern accent. But respectability will not save you. Look at President and First Lady Obama, Harris-Perry said. They have degrees from Harvard and bigots still talk about them like dogs!

So just be free, Harris-Perry said.

Just be yourself and demand that the world see you for the complex, flawed and multi-faceted person that you are.

Just be free.

Dear God,

I thank you for 34 years on this crazy, beautiful planet you have created.

Today I commit the next year of my life and all my endeavors to you.

I commit my marriage to you. I thank you for my husband's love. I pray that you will bless our marriage and help me be the wife that my wonderful husband deserves. I pray that our marriage will be an inspiration to other couples.

I commit all my relationships to you. I thank you for my family and friends. I pray that you will help me be a better daughter, sister, cousin, and friend. Bless my loved ones and show me how I can be a blessing to them.

I commit to you all material possessions and desires. I thank you for being the Ultimate Provider. Please wash me clean of any desires I have that are not in line with your will for my life. I declare that what you have for me is for me and will be mine. I pray that you will use my material possessions to have a spiritual impact.

I commit to you all my career aspirations. I thank you for my gifts, talents, and opportunities. I pray that See Jane Write will prosper and grow and that the women of the group will receive the desires of their hearts. Show me how I can be a blessing to those women. From magazine articles to personal essays to blog posts, please anoint the words that I write so they will change lives. Help me be a better role model and teacher. Bless my students and show me how to be a blessing to them.

I commit to you my body. I thank you for the strength and ability of my body and for allowing me to triumph over sickness and disease. I pray that this will continue to be my story. I pray that you will bless my running endeavors and help me remember you and thank you with every step of every race.

I pray that my life and all my life's endeavors will bring glory and love to you.

And so it is.

Monday night I had my first workout session with my new running coach, Coach Ann of Resolute Running. It was a core strengthening class with about a dozen other lovely ladies. 

I knew the class would be tough because Ann is a superhuman. (Let's not forget that she qualified for the Boston Marathon when she was 4 months pregnant.) But for some reason I actually thought the class wouldn't make me sweat. And I mean that literally. I walked out of the house without a towel. Fortunately, Resolute Running had plenty of towels on hand to mop up all the perspiration on my brow, back and chest by the end of the workout. 

I should have known better. If Jillian Michaels' 30-minute 6-Week Six Pack workouts have me looking like I got knocked in a swimming pool, then why didn't I think this core class would get my heart pumping, too? 

Oh, and did I mention that the class was an hour long?! If you think this means I was doing crunches for 60 minutes, think again. This class was about strengthening not just abs but the back, hips, glutes, and oblique muscles. Even my quadriceps are sore as I type this. 

Monday's workout included planks, squats, lunges, push-ups, and a host of other moves so tough that when we did do crunches it felt like a break. 

Why is my running coach helping me strengthen my core? 

"Running is a balancing act—placing one foot after the next and allowing the body to make the adjustments needed to keep moving forward," Coach Ann explains. "A strong core is vital for good posture, stability, and balance for everyone, and more so for runners.  Runners that maintain proper running form are more efficient, which translates directly to running farther and faster before fatigue sets in.  Improving muscular strength by developing the postural muscles also reduces the risk of injury. This is why I stress core strength to all of my clients." 

Working out with Ann was great. She's the kind of coach who really pushes you to be your best self. She offers different levels of difficulty for each exercise but urges you to try the level above what you think you can do. She wants you to challenge yourself, but she wants you to be safe and smart. She'll encourage you, for example, to try a move with ankle weights but let you know you're free to take them off if they start to compromise your ability to do an exercise properly. 

She's also hilarious. 

During the class Ann said to us, "If it hurts to laugh or sneeze tomorrow -- you're welcome!"

And I've been saying "Ouch" after every laugh today.


If you're interested in trying out this or other classes at Resolute Running, click here for a complete class schedule


Disclosure: I attended this class free-of-charge for the purposes of reviewing it for my blog. All opinions are my own.

Last month I launched an e-course on time management. I launched this e-course because people constantly ask me how I manage to do all the things that I do. And people ask me because I do A LOT of stuff.

Last year I decided that I really wanted to get serious about building a business and so I started working with a business coach. And I chose this coach because she makes $10,000 a month when business is slow!

My point is if you want to do something you could struggle and strain and try to figure things out on your own or you could find someone who does what you want to do and does it well and ask that person for help.

This year I want to walk/run 1200 miles and next year I want to run a full marathon. I could struggle and strain and do this on my own and end up injured or I could ask for help.

Meet Coach Ann.

Ann works with Resolute Running fitness center in Birmingham and she is my new running coach.

Coach Ann and I met for the first time last week just to chat about my running goals. I was nervous but her bright eyes and big smile eased my fears. Sort of.

Already I can tell that Coach Ann is very nice, very understanding and a great listener. But she's also a freak of nature.

She can finish a full marathon in the time it takes me to finish a half-marathon. She ran the Hot Chocolate 15K in Atlanta last weekend despite the fact that she got sick just before the race. She actually threw up during the race! After throwing up she not only kept running, but she finished 3rd! Oh, and the year she qualified for the Boston Marathon she was four months pregnant.

Go on and let all that sink in for a moment.

Today I'm meeting with Ann for our first workout session. We'll be working on core strength. This means on tomorrow laughing and perhaps even breathing will hurt. But that's the good hurt, right?!

What are your fitness plans for the week? 

Lamentations 3:22-23 reads: "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."

That Scripture certainly rang true this morning. There's something about turning the calendar to a new month that makes me feel as if I have a fresh start. I guess that's why I love New Year's Eve and New Year's Day so much, too.

This morning I hit the reset button. For me, January was a pretty mediocre month. I didn't work toward my goals with true gumption and grit. Don't get me wrong, plenty of great stuff happened last month. I hosted two successful See Jane Write events, launched my e-course How to Write and Have a Life, and my blog landed me a spot on a local television show. I also spent quality time with many of my best girlfriends, including a girls weekend in at Atlanta where I participated in the Hot Chocolate 5K.

Will run for chocolate!

But there's so much on January my to-do list that remains undone. I slacked on my morning ritual, I slacked on exercise, I slacked on cleaning, I slacked on blogging, and I slacked on building my business. Also, I didn't spend time as much time with my family or my husband as I would have liked.

But this new month brings new mercies. I get to try again. We all do.

Here are my intentions for February:

• Better promote my e-course through blogging, social media, television appearances, features on popular websites, networking and speaking engagements.
• Write in my prayer journal daily.
• Streamline and strengthen my online presence
• See Melissa Harris-Perry on my birthday. (Yes, that's actually going to happen!)
• Improve my eating habits.
• Walk/run 100 miles.
• Clean up my hard drive. 
• Buy a new phone and more iCloud storage (The struggle is real).
• Clean and wash my car (It's so gross).
• File my taxes (Taxes are gross, too). 
• Recycle 2014 magazines. 
• Organize my closet, drawers, journals, makeup and toiletries. 
• Have a girls day out with my mom. 
• Have a great Valentine's Day weekend with my husband. 
• Attend TEDxBirmingham as an senior educator fellow.

What are your goals for February? 

A close friend of mine has this saying: "Stay ready so you won't have to get ready."

Over the past year I've taken this to heart, making sure I always look nice when I leave the house -- even if I'm going to the grocery store. You never know when or where you'll run into someone who could lead to your next big business deal. And it's important to look your best because, as this friend also says, "You are your brand."

But lately I've realized that the concept of staying ready applies to so much more than your appearance. As a writer, my blog and website must look their best, too. After all, you never know who's looking.

This morning I was featured on ABC 33/40's Talk of Alabama. I was discussing how I succeeded in exercising every day for 365 days. This segment came about not because I pitched the idea to the show. It happened because one of the show's producers read my blog post about my fitness challenge and she contacted me about coming on the show. What an honor! But this is an honor that wouldn't have happened had I not been updating my blog, had I not had current contact information posted on my site, and had I not checked my email.

Think about how you feel when your house is a mess and an unexpected guest drops by. The same thing can happen with your blog. In 2013 my blog was featured on Clutch Magazine. I had no idea this was about to happen and so my site wasn't really ready for guests. I got a TON of traffic from this article and, believe it or not, I still do. But I always wonder how many of the people who visited my blog from that article didn't stick around because my site wasn't at its best.

Here are five tips for how to keep your blog ready for guests:

1. Be sure your About page is interesting, informative, and up-to-date.

2. Be sure your Contact page includes an email address that you check regularly.

3. Be sure you have high quality content on your home page.

4. Be sure your blog doesn't look like a ghost town. Either update it regularly or remove the dates from your posts.

5. Be sure you have a way for people to subscribe to posts by email or to subscribe to your email newsletter.


What tips do you have on how to stay ready so you won't have to get ready. 

My Hair Is My Brand and That's OK

A few years ago I realized that, whether I like it or not, my hair is part of my personal brand.  Even though I want to be known for my writing, teaching, and feminism my curly coif frequently steals the show. I could pout about this or I could roll with it. I decided to go with the latter and I often use conversations about hair as a way to break the ice when meeting someone new or when at a networking event. 

I'm a member of a Facebook group for naturalistas like myself and was recently put #OnBlast. This means I had to answer some questions about my natural hair journey. And when you put a writer on blast she's going to turn it into a blog post! So...

How long have you been natural and how did you come to the decision to go natural?

I started wearing my hair in its naturally curly state in 2002. Back then "going natural" wasn't a thing. I didn't even say that's what I was doing. I just said, "I'm wearing my hair curly now." While I did have a relaxer when I was younger, I got relaxers so infrequently that I never had an addiction to the so-called "creamy crack." My drug of choice was heat. I basically tried to burn my hair into submission using the hottest blow dryer and flat iron I could find. This process was ridiculous and, of course, very damaging to my hair. During the summer of 2002 I was living in Louisville, Kentucky for an internship and my roommate at the time, who was watching my tussle with my tresses, said to me, "Maybe your hair doesn't want to be straight. Why don't you just wear it curly?" 

Her words changed everything. As crazy as it might sound, in the 21 years I had been alive at that time NO ONE had ever said to me that it would be OK for my hair to not be straight. Growing up I had always been made to believe that pretty hair was straight hair. But in that moment I decided to embrace my curls. What was amazing is that after embracing my natural hair I began to embrace my authentic personality as well. Accepting your hair is a great first step toward accepting yourself. 

Did you big chop or transition? 

I transitioned even though, as I mentioned, this is not terminology that I used. I just stopped getting a relaxer and stopped straightening my hair. And then I went to a local drug store and just started experimenting with hair care products. At one time I even used mousse! 

What advice do you wish you had but didn't at the start of your journey?

Any advice would have been helpful! There were no natural hair blogs or YouTube channels to help me back then, Fortunately, my cousin Tasha went natural at the same time so she was my support system and my partner in hair product experiments!

What's your favorite product, style, regimen, and/or tip? 

People who know me well know that I get bored very easily. I think this character trait has been transferred to my hair because after using a product for a long time one day it will just stop working on my hair. So I change products every year or so. That said, I am a walking, living, breathing advertisement for Shea Moisture. Even when my hair or I get bored with a product I just switch to another Shea Moisture product. Previously, I was all about their Coconut & Hibiscus line. I used the shampoo, conditioner, Curl & Style Milk, and Curl Enhancing Smoothie. Recently I've replaced Curl Enhancing Smoothie with the Superfruit Complex Hair Masque (which is supposed to be a deep conditioner, but I use it as a leave-in). I really like how my hair shines when I use that. And I've recently started using the Shea Moisture Manuka Honey & Mafura Oil Intensive Hydration Conditioner. It's great for dry hair and it smells so good I want to marry it!

The main tip that I would give to naturalistas is "Do you boo!" Seriously. Find the products, regimen, and styles that work best for you and don't worry about what everyone else is doing. I love Shea Moisture, but you may find that those products don't work for your hair at all. Yes, it's fun to get tips from friends and if their suggestions work for you -- great! If not, that's OK too. Going natural is about being authentic.