This old Facebook photo shows that maybe I do more live tweeting than I thought...

Despite my love for social media, I don't do a lot of live tweeting. You won't find me sharing my thoughts on my favorite TV show. On Thursday nights, Olivia Pope gets my full attention. And even when I attend conferences and other events I usually only tweet when I arrive and after I leave because I want to be fully present.

But at BlogHer '14, I couldn't help myself. So many people had so many insightful and inspiring things to say that I just couldn't keep those nuggets of wisdom to myself.

I think I probably tweeted the most during a session titled "Size Isn't Always Everything: The Difference Between Page Views and Community." This panel discussion featured Anita Jackson of Moms Rising, Jordan Page of Fun, Cheap, or Free, and Thien-Kim Lam of I'm Not the Nanny and was moderated by Stacy Ferguson of Blogalicious.

I strongly believe that blogging should be about people, not page views, so this session was right up my alley. But this session not only gave great tips on building community but also on how to build a better blog.


First of all, you need to know the mission of your blog, Page said. 

A community needs a strong leader who understands the mission of the group. @funcheaporfree #BlogHer14
— Javacia HarrisBowser (@writeousbabe) July 25, 2014

And you need to set goals related to that mission.

Set your goals and work backwards. @funcheaporfree #BlogHer2014
— Javacia HarrisBowser (@writeousbabe) July 25, 2014

And when it comes to community you have to first figure out your target audience and then go after them. 

Once you figure out your target audience go to relevant events and follow relevant hashtags to find your tribe. @justicefergie #BlogHer14
— Javacia HarrisBowser (@writeousbabe) July 25, 2014

Then you need to keep in touch. Email is a great way to do that. 

You should have a newsletter for your blog. @justicefergie #BlogHer14
— Javacia HarrisBowser (@writeousbabe) July 25, 2014

If you need some guidance in building a better blog, it's OK to look to your favorite websites for help.

When I see a blog I love I study it. @funcheaporfree #BlogHer14
— Javacia HarrisBowser (@writeousbabe) July 25, 2014

But don't copy someone else's blog. You still need to be original. 

When people land on your blog, what will make them stay? Figure out what makes you unique. @funcheaporfree #BlogHer14
— Javacia HarrisBowser (@writeousbabe) July 25, 2014

And once you figure out what does make you unique, own it! 

You have to be who you are without apology -- in blogging and in life. @Anita_Sarah #BlogHer14
— Javacia HarrisBowser (@writeousbabe) July 25, 2014

What tips do you have for building a better blog and a stronger online community?

Here I am after having a "talking mirror" experience of my own.

At major blogging conferences for women like BlogHer and Blogalicious, it's not uncommon to return to your hotel room after a long day of sessions to find gifts from a sponsor. You could walk through the door and find anything from cupcakes to a gorgeous coffee table book sitting on your bed. 

But this year at BlogHer those of us who stayed in one of the official hotels got a different surprise. On our bathroom mirror we found a sticker declaring that "I'm Enough!" Considering how often we women look in the mirror and think about all the things we lack, I thought this was the best thing a sponsor could do for us girls.

OK. I think bathroom mirror selfies are the worse, but I was willing to take one for the Mrs. Band. 

I'm enough. And you are enough too. 

Later I had a chance to learn the story behind this surprise. 

The surprise was the brainchild of The Mrs., an all-female rock band from Austin, Texas that's comprised of drummer Andra Liemandt, lead vocalists.guitarists Mandy Prater and Jennifer Zavaleta, vocals/keyboardist Larissa Ness, and bassist Jenny Mason. 

For their debut EP, which will release this fall, The Mrs. set out to create something very different from what you'll hear on most radio stations. Instead of tales of teenage heartbreak or wild nights at the club, the music of The Mrs. is about careers, marriage, motherhood, friendship, and how women juggle all this while still maintaining their own identities. 

Their new single "I'm Enough" is all about encouraging women to celebrate and appreciate themselves. But they didn't stop with simply making a song. 

They developed a project they call "The Talking Mirror," which I had the honor of experiencing at  BlogHer. I could try to describe it, but it's best if you just witness it for yourself. 





Watch the video below to learn more about The Mrs. and how the band began.

Learn more about The Mrs. at themrs.com, or follow them at Facebook.com/themrsband and Twitter @themrsband.

At the start of this year I had no plans to attend BlogHer '14. I had attended several major blogging conferences in 2013 and decided that this year I'd take a break. But two words changed my mind:

KERRY WASHINGTON.

When I found out Kerry Washington would be a keynote speaker I snagged early bird tickets and started dancing around my apartment singing "Do You Know the Way to San Jose" and "I'm Going Back to Cali."

Even though I am a huge fan of Washington's hit TV show Scandal, I mainly wanted to hear Washington the activist, not Washington the actress, speak. I felt confident that Washington's words would inspire me and she did not disappoint. And when asked about using her celebrity status as a platform to speak out on issues close to her heart, Washington said:

I don't speak out because I am a celebrity; I speak out because I think everyone should speak out! @kerrywashington #BlogHer14
— Javacia HarrisBowser (@writeousbabe) July 26, 2014

And with that Washington echoed the message I received over and over again at BlogHer'14: Speak out. Lift your voice. Share your story.

Kerry Washington takes a selfie with the BlogHer'14 crowd.
You can only see the top of my head, but I'm in this photo. I promise.

The day before the conference officially began I attended a pre-conference event called Pathfinder. On this day I attended sessions on how to be an agent of change. The session was led by Dannielle Owens-Reid of the blog Everyone Is Gay and by AIDS activist Rae Lewis Thornton.

Both of these women have saved lives by telling stories. Owens-Reid has created a virtual safe space for LGBT teens. I can only imagine how many young people have contemplated suicide and then changed their minds because of something encouraging they read on Owen-Reid's site. Nor can I imagine the number of black women saved when Lewis Thornton had the courage to be featured in Essence magazine and speak up about living with AIDS.

It was an honor to meet Rae Lewis Thornton and learn more about her story.

One of the women celebrated during this year's BlogHer was Katherine Stone of the blog Postpartum Progress. This time I could imagine the lives saved by her words as BlogHer founders surprised Stone with a video that featured several women telling her that they were certain the wouldn't be alive today if it weren't for her blog.

Tell your story and start telling it right now. And take this advice from Stone:

You don't have to be an expert to make a difference. Just give a crap. @postpartumprog #BlogHer14
— Javacia HarrisBowser (@writeousbabe) July 27, 2014

To make a difference you don't need permission. @postpartumprog #BlogHer14
— Javacia HarrisBowser (@writeousbabe) July 27, 2014

To make a difference you don't have to be fearless, but you must have purpose. @postpartumprog #BlogHer14
— Javacia HarrisBowser (@writeousbabe) July 27, 2014

Though the conference was full of informative sessions about monetizing your message and building your brand, overall I was reminded that what I've been saying for years is true: Blogging is about people, not page views.

And people made my experience at BlogHer '14 fantastic.

With my rookie and conference buddy Williesha

I went to the conference with my pal Williesha and I'm so glad I did. I usually go to conferences solo and when I do I have a laser focus on my goals and what I want to learn from the event. But Williesha reminded me to let my big hair down and have some fun.

Rev. Run!

At the closing party, hosted by Rev. Run of the legendary Run DMC, I danced so hard and sang along to the 80s and 90s tunes so loudly that my feet were sore and my voice nearly gone the next day. Also, my ears are still ringing even as I type this.

Best Table Ever -- for real!

I also met an incredible group of smart and funny ladies including Monica Barnett of Blueprint For Style, a blogger I've admired and followed for a long time. We ladies deemed ourselves the Best Table Ever and the energy from our table was so electric we later learned that one of the speakers -- Richelle Parham, chief marketing officer for eBay -- actually noticed us from the stage during her talk! We started tweeting about our little girl gang with the hashtags #BTE and BFTE (use your imagination on that one) and Yoplait yogurt, one of the conference sponsors, started tweeting us wanting to know more about the #BTE crew!

Took a pause from dancing to snap a selfie with Lashaun of the #BTE Crew

Oh and did I mention that I left BlogHer with Arianna Huffington's business card, a signed copy of her book Thrive and a few snapshots with her!?!

Over the next few weeks I'll be sharing some of the information I learned at BlogHer '14 sessions and keynote addresses, but today I just want to encourage you to keep writing, to keep sharing your story.

I went to BlogHer '14 in a writing rut. I hadn't felt very inspired lately and I was afraid I was going to become a blogger who doesn't blog.

But I'm ready to jump back in the saddle. I'm going to write and blog and blog and write as much as I want regardless of hits and clicks. I'm going to write for my life. I'm going to be the write or die chick I used to be.

I need to tell my story.

And you need to tell your story -- whatever it is -- because someone else is going through the same thing you are and they need to know they are not alone.

But you also need to tell your story for your own sake.

One of the most powerful things I heard at BlogHer wasn't from a panelist or celebrity speaker. It was from a woman in my Pathfinder session, a survivor of domestic violence, who said that by sharing her story she saved her own life too.

So write. Write as if someone's life depends on it because that life might be yours.

Last year, I left BlogHer ’13 feeling like a loser.

In fact, I wrote a blog post about it. But I must admit that after that post was featured on BlogHer.com and was one of the site’s most popular posts, I certainly felt I was #winning.

In a couple weeks I’m heading to San Jose for BlogHer ’14. I’m determined to leave this year’s conference feeling on top of the world.  To make that happen I must do some things differently and I think any BlogHer newbies should consider following my lead.

Don’t compare yourself to others. I left BlogHer ’13 feeling like a loser because I was surrounded by women bloggers who had landed major sponsorships and book deals through their blogs and women who complained about having "a paltry 5,000 Twitter followers."  I spent my 48 hours at BlogHer comparing myself to these women instead of focusing on my own mission, plans, and goals.

Check out the Writeous Babe logo I designed for my new business cards. 

Don’t forget your business cards. Last year I ordered new business cards just for the conference and I left all 50 of them sitting right on my nightstand. So if you are heading to BlogHer ’14, go put your business cards in your suitcase right now. They will especially come in handy during Friday morning’s BlogHer Style Speed Dating.

Don’t forget to party. Last year I didn’t wholeheartedly participate in conference activities. I was in Chicago not only for BlogHer but also to visit a friend. I often skipped the parties so that I could head back to my friend's place. While I don’t regret this because my friend and I had a blast, this year I’m staying in one of the official hotels and I plan to hit every party.  Sure, this conference is about advancing my writing career, but it’s also about having fun!

Don’t arrive without a plan.  Before heading to the Silicon Valley, figure out what you want to get out of this conference and use this to determine what sessions you will attend. Knowing your overall objective for the conference can also keep you from getting caught up in the comparison game. With a solid conference plan, you will know your path and you can stay in your lane.  My goal is to figure out what’s the next step for my blog and who I want to be in the blogosphere.

Don’t leave without a plan, either. I am a teacher and I am a nerd so when I attend a conference I leave with pages and pages of notes. Then I come home, put my journal on my bookshelf and leave it there to collect dust. Not this year. In addition to taking notes, I plan to draft an action plan, too. I will compile a list of steps I will take based on what I learn on each session and give myself deadlines by which to complete them. 

Kavitha and I reunited two months ago in Birmingham!

Don’t be shy. Whether you’re going to BlogHer alone, with your best friend, or with a group of blogging buddies from your hometown, be sure to use this conference as a chance to meet someone new. This is the one thing I did right last year. I met the wonderful woman behind the blog Kavi360 and we still keep in touch today. At BlogHer don’t look at the women around you simply as potential followers, see them as potential friends.

What are your tips for making the most of a blogging conference?

I left BlogHer '13 feeling like a loser. This was not the fault of the hardworking women who organized and led the event. BlogHer is the world's largest blogging conference for women and I felt quite privileged to have had the opportunity to travel to Chicago for this year's event, which was held July 25-27. The breakout sessions were informative and to call the keynote speakers inspiring would be an understatement. I was in awe of the confidence of Ree Drummond (better known as the Pioneer Woman) and can't count how many times she made me laugh out loud.

The highlight of the conference for me, though, was the Saturday morning interview with Sheryl Sandberg. Her powerful and unabashedly feminist words were so uplifting I had chills through most of her talk.

Nonetheless, I spent most of my time at my first BlogHer feeling very much out of my league as I was surrounded by women who'd garnered book deals and started thriving businesses thanks to their blogs, and women who said things like "I only have a paltry 5,000 Twitter followers."

In my hometown of Birmingham, Ala., I'm considered a blogging star to some, but not because The Writeous Babe Project gets thousands upon thousands of pageviews each day. (It doesn't. And I only have a paltry 1,000+ Twitter followers.) Folks see me as a blogging guru because I have successfully built a community of women bloggers -- both online and off -- through See Jane Write, an organization for women writers that I started in 2011. And on July 1 I took those efforts a step further with the launch of SeeJaneWriteMagazine.com, an online lifestyle publication for women who love writing, blogging, and social networking.

While at BlogHer, however, I began to wonder if See Jane Write is preventing me from pursuing my personal writing and blogging goals. And how can I be at the helm of See Jane Write if I'm not leading by example with a successful writing and blogging career of my own?

I am a teacher by day and I freelance for a few local and national publications for extra cash because a teacher's salary doesn't afford me the Carrie Bradshaw lifestyle I covet. See Jane Write takes up nearly all of my free time as I spend dozens of hours each week planning panel discussions, workshops, and networking events. All this leaves few hours to devote to pitching article ideas to my favorite websites and magazines and little time for promoting my personal blog.

The women I met at BlogHer built their personal platforms first and then moved on to bigger projects. My process was backwards. I'd done it all wrong.

My sweet husband, who's also a writer and blogger, tried to cheer me up as I sent him text messages declaring that "I suck!"

He said: "You need your own path. Clearly you're doing something right."

But I just tucked my phone back in my purse, sighed, and thought, "He doesn't get it."

Being the Southern church-going gal that I am, I did the only thing I knew to do -- I asked God. The problem with that, though, is that God doesn't text or email and these days won't even set bushes afire to give a girl some direction.

However, a few days later God decided to give me an answer through a video stream. I was watching a sermon I'd missed when I skipped church one Sunday (sorry, God) and one of our associate pastors spoke on "The Most Excellent Way" to change the world. That way, he said simply, is love.

When you do things to help people improve themselves and their lives, you earn the privilege to influence them. When you invest in other people your value goes up. People don't care what you know until they know that you care.

As he spoke I thought about BlogHer itself. I thought about all the hard work co-founders Lisa Stone, Elisa Camahort Page and Jory Des Jardins must have put into BlogHer long before it became what it is today. And I thought about all the women whose lives would have never been touched by BlogHer if Lisa, Elisa, and Jory had given up to focus on personal projects.  

Don't get me wrong, See Jane Write is no BlogHer and may never be anywhere nearly as successful. But my little group that could is inspiring women every day -- they tell me so. And that's better than any blogging award or book deal. It's even better than seeing my byline in my favorite magazine.

My husband was right: I am on my own path and it's the right path for me.

Perhaps God does send text messages after all.