It's Thanksgiving eve which means pretty soon the Christmas season will be officially here. Actually, I feel like it already is. Some of my neighbors already have lights strewn about their patios and obnoxious holiday songs are already being played over loud speakers at the supermarket.
If you know me well you know I hate Christmas. My head is pounding and my stomach is in knots for much of the month of December. During the holiday season I am completely stressed out and it's usually over money.
Every year I threaten to "boycott Christmas." Don't get me wrong, I enjoy buying gifts for my family and friends. I love the smiles the presents bring to their faces. I especially enjoy giving gifts to my sweet husband. But to be honest we get carried away. You see since we don't have kids he showers me with gifts at Christmastime. I'm spoiled rotten by him. And I feel he deserves to be spoiled too. The result: we way too much money on each other every winter. My credit debt balloons as does my number of migraines and stomach aches.
I also spend too much money on myself, something I just recently realized. I am in no way a shopaholic, in fact, I rather abhor the mall. But something comes over me on Black Friday and I become one of those desperate people standing in a long line in the rain outside of Target, one of those crazy chicks peering through the doors of Victoria's Secret before the store opens trying to get a glimpse of this year's free tote bag given to customers who spend at least $65. I shop and shop because I feel like it's just plain silly to miss out on these great deals when I call myself a frugal fashionista.
Then I'm sick with shopper's remorse and just general disgust at myself for the next month.
I also have trouble receiving gifts. If you give me three presents and I only have one to offer you I will go to the bathroom and cry. (Yes, I know I probably need therapy for that.) And after I've dried my eyes I will resolve that next year I will have FOUR gifts for you! And inevitably this will only increase my credit card debt and my need for medication.
This year as I've been reflecting on the many reasons to loathe this season, I've also been reflecting on, well, stuff. For years I've been letting stuff ruin the holidays and even my self-esteem. I've yearned for a nicer car, a bigger TV, and a fancier apartment not because I truly wanted those things but because I thought others judged me because I didn't have them. And most likely they didn't even notice or care or if they were judging me then they shouldn't be in my car or my home in the first place because they're a jerk face.
I believe God has me doing all this soul searching about stuff for a reason and I don't think it's because the Creator is worried about me having happy holidays. (Let's remember that Jesus didn't even ask us to celebrate his birthday.) I believe God wants me to learn to be a good steward with my money so I will have more freedom. Think about how so many of us are weighed down by our stuff. And I think God wants me to use my resources on things that really matter.
Furthermore, I believe God wants me to learn to measure my worth by who I am in Him, not by what I have in my bank account.
It’s time to make some changes. I have no idea what those changes should be. I’m married so I can’t just sell everything I own and start from scratch. I don’t think hubster would be too happy about that. But something must be done.
In the meantime, remember not to buy me any gifts unless we’ve decided on a price cap or I'll be having a nervous breakdown in your bathroom.