Why did you begin?

Why did you start your blog?

Why did you write the first line of what you hope will be your first book?

Why did you send out that first pitch to write for your favorite magazine?

All the gurus say we should "Start with why" so I'm doing just that and challenging you to do the same.

I started this blog almost five years because I needed my own little piece of cyberspace. I needed a virtual "room of my own." At the time I was blogging for my job and blogging with my husband and I needed a space entirely my own where I could be free, where I could be myself and where I could write myself back together again when needed.

I have returned to this blog this week for that same reason. I am broken. And the blog I maintain for my business is doing absolutely nothing about it.

So I'm back. For now at least.

I can't promise I will stay. I can't declare I'll now blog here five or even three days a week.

I am hopelessly unfaithful to myself.

Image via B-Metro.com

Sometimes I feel as if I’m caught in a love triangle—writing and teaching both tugging at my heart. I was born to teach, but I didn’t realize this until after working in education for seven years. When I was a girl, I named all my dolls and other toys, arranged them in nice, neat rows in alphabetical order, and then launched into a lecture on whatever struck my fancy at the time. The classroom called me early in life, but I didn’t know it.

But I was also born to write. This I’ve known since the day I wrote my first poem. I was only 7 or 8 years old, so it was terrible, and I’m sure it included the line “Roses are red, violets are blue.” But it was the beginning of a lifelong love affair with the written word. And it was this love that led me to study journalism. I had dreams of working for Essence magazine and one day starting a print magazine of my own.

But a career in education was still whispering in my ear, flirting with my future plans. In graduate school at UC Berkeley, I was a graduate student instructor, or GSI, and taught a communications class for undergraduate students. I was charged with breaking down the complicated concepts and theories the professor discussed in her lectures. I did such a good job that students assigned to other GSIs would ask to come to my class, willing to sit on the floor or stand in the back if there weren’t enough desks.

I applied for Teach for America. I was accepted by Teach for America. I turned down Teach for America. I had also been offered a job as a features reporter in a city that I loved with the man whom I love. Writing won my heart again...

Read the entire article at B-Metro.com. 

I hope to boast this badge soon!

At the start of the year I announced on this blog, on all my social media channels and even on WBHM 90.3 FM that I plan to exercise every day for 365 days. I haven't missed a day yet. But in May I started to get a bit bored. Exercising daily was no longer difficult because it had become a regular part of my day, as normal and as necessary as taking a shower or brushing my teeth.

I needed a new challenge and I found what I needed in GirlTrek.

GirlTrek is a national nonprofit organization striving to inspire black women and girls to live healthy lives simply by walking. GirlTrek launched three years ago and through social media campaigns has grown to include over 20,000 women who are lacing up and logging their walks online. (Last year I wrote a story for WBHM on the Birmingham chapter of GirlTrek. You can read it here.) 

GirlTrek recently challenged participants to walk 100 miles in the month of June. I knew taking on this challenge would keep me motivated for the rest of this month. I've been going for a 3 to 6-mile walk/run most days of the week. And if I do walk/run 100 miles this month I'm going to reward myself with some GirlTrek gear!

I recently learned, however, that this challenge could make me a better writer too.

Earlier this month USA Today reported that a new study from researchers at Stanford University suggests that taking a walk could boost creativity.

From USAToday.com:

"Walking opens up the free flow of ideas, and it is a simple and robust solution to the goal of increasing creativity," write authors Marily Oppezzo and Daniel Schwartz in their paper, published in this month's Journal of Experimental Psychology.

To test the influence of walking on creative thinking, Oppezzo and Schwartz divided study participants into four groups: Those who walked then sat; those who sat then walked; those who only sat; and those who walked indoors vs. outdoors. Participants were given two different tests, both widely accepted by the psychological community as valid measures of various aspects of creativity: Guilford's Alternate Uses test, or GAU (people were asked to come up with alternate uses for everyday objects in a short period of time), and the Compound Remote Association test, or CRA (people were given three unrelated words and asked to come up with a fourth word that connects with all of them. For example, upon hearing "cottage, Swiss and cake," a correct response would be "cheese.").

Overall, Oppezzo and Schwartz found, walking enhanced the performance on these creative tests, particularly the GAU: 81% of participants showed an improvement in test scores while taking a walk, regardless of whether they sat before or after. The researchers also noted that the effects of walking lingered: Even after returning to their seats, people who had taken a stroll showed a residual boost in test scores. "When there is a premium on generating new ideas in the workday, it should be beneficial to incorporate walks," they wrote.

I've blogged before about how GirlTrek helped me approach my writing goals in a new way. When I wanted to run my second half-marathon but my body objected to the high impact training I decided I would walk the 13.1 miles instead. This new approach to one of my fitness goals urged me to think outside the box about my creative aspirations as well. 

I've also blogged about how completing challenging fitness pursuits can encourage a person in her writing pursuits as well. If you can finish that marathon, you can finish writing that book. If you can stick with that Insanity DVD for 60 days, you can stick with your blog. If you can bench press all that weight, you can press send on that pitch letter to your favorite magazine. 

But now this study makes the connection between my writing and my workouts even stronger. 

So talk a walk, writers. Of course, you should check with your doctor before starting any exercise program, but even as little as 10 or 15 minutes a day, two or three days a week can be a good start. If you need motivation to get started join a group like GirlTrek. 

Now excuse me I need to go walking.

Image by Crystal via Flickr/CreativeCommons

Here we are at the end of #bloglikecrazy. 

My hope was that my post for November 30 would clearly explain what's next for me in my blogging life. But the truth is I'm still not sure. I want to do so much, too much. I want to blog about journalism. I want to blog about feminism. I want to blog about Birmingham. I want to blog about my faith. I want to blog about my life! 

And while I believe we women can do it all, I don't think we (or anyone) can do it all at once. 

So I did what I always do: I made a list. I made a list of my writing goals:

• I want to be a journalist on my own terms. 
• I want to be a well-known feminist blogger.
• I want to write a book about feminism. 
• I want to be a successful, award-winning blogger.
• I want to write and publish an e-book about blogging. 
• I want to inspire and empower other women writers. 
• I want to use my writing to serve God. 
• I want to do more public speaking (and get paid for it). 
• I want to land my own column in a local publication.
• I want to land my own column in a national publication. 
• I want to see my byline in all my favorite magazines. 

My intention was to then rank these goals, put them in some sort of order and go about attacking them one by one. The goal I ranked first would dictate the topic of my new or revamped blog. But suddenly I realized all my goals were somehow related, that each goal - when accomplished - would just bring me a step closer to bringing another dream to fruition. 

They are all related because they all define me. 

Then I remembered something writer Jeff Goins once said, something I even quoted in a post this month but somehow failed to heed the very advice I was trying to share. Goins says: 

Writing isn’t about picking the right topic; it’s about finding the right voice.

So what's next? Finding my voice. Truly. 

In December you can expect this blog to be a bit quiet. I'm going to spend the next 30 days focusing on finding my authentic writing voice, planning for 2014, and preparing for the next chapter in my writing life. 

You can expect a fun announcement on Dec. 31, New Year's Eve, my favorite holiday of them all. 

I hope you will join me on the journey that's ahead. 

Photo Credit: sboneham (Flickr/Creative Commons)

"Write down your NOs!"

That's the message that was delivered to me last night in a dream.

It was a strange dream. I was sick from stress and from eating food that was bad for me (which I always do when I'm stressed). I was really, really sick. As I was puking my guts out some guy (that I obviously knew in the dream, but that doesn't exist in real life) was holding back my hair and telling me, "You have to write down your NOs!"

When I woke up, I was confused. I had no idea what this meant. I still don't. But as I lay in bed this morning mulling this over I was reminded of something a woman said at a blogging conference I attended last month. She said: You have to say "No" to make room for the "Hell yes!"

The #bloglikecrazy challenge has help me realized that the "Hell yes" I no longer have room for is my own writing! I've really enjoyed blogging on a daily basis, but the only reason I've stuck with it is to encourage the other women participating. I'm not doing this because I enjoy it -- even though I do.

Over the past two and a half years as I've been building See Jane Write I've been neglecting writing for myself. I've been so busy encouraging other women to go after their writing goals, I haven't been going after mine. Sure, launching See Jane Write Magazine was a huge accomplishment, but I have no time to promote that project and there's so much more I want to do.

But I still don't know what it means to write down my NOs. And I'm certainly not going to ditch See Jane Write.

I have realized that, other than exercise, there is nothing in my life that I do for myself. And since I don't have children I'm not sure how in the world this happened!

My blog, See Jane Write and See Jane Write Magazine are all for the women writers I hope to encourage. My full-time job as a teacher, of course, is all about helping my students. Even my freelance gigs are no longer for me as I have to use the extra cash to help out family members in need.

But starting today I'm going to make my writing goals and writing for myself more of a priority and say "No" to anything that gets in the way of that.

This may come off as selfish, but if my life is so out of balance that I'm dreaming about stress-induced vomiting something's got to give.


Do you make your writing a priority in your life? Do you spend time writing for yourself? 

"When you bring everything you have to every situation, that's when the magic happens." 

-- Jillian Michaels

The words above are the words that motivate me to press on during circuit one of week one of Jillian Michael's Ripped in 30 fitness DVD. Those are the words that push me to keep going even though I feel like I'm going to vomit or faint or vomit and faint, landing face first in my own puke. 

And those words are a great example of how Jillian Michaels makes me a better writer. 

I started Ripped in 30 on Aug. 1 and spent June working through Michaels' wildly popular 30-Day Shred DVD. If you know me outside of the blogosphere, you know I talk about Jillian Michaels all the time. I call myself a true believer, a Jillian Michaels disciple. When at a birthday party this past weekend and someone mentioned that she was having trouble getting motivated to work out I saw this as a prime time to be a witness. I started encouraging her to try one of Michaels' videos. 



My husband, who was also at the party, sighed and said, "You couldn't wait to preach the Jillian Michaels gospel."

Hallelujah! 

My love for Jillian Michaels, however, surprisingly has more to do with my writing than my weight. 

Michaels has a way of not only making you feel like you can accomplish fantastic fitness feats, but that you can accomplish anything you want in any other part of your life too. As I wrote last month in an article for See Jane Write Magazine: 

In level two of 30-Day Shred, Jillian says, “When you see how strong you are physically, it’s going to transcend into every other facet of your life.” 

I didn’t pay much attention to this statement at first. It’s hard to concentrate on words of encouragement when you feel like you’re going to vomit up your heart. But one day when the moves started to get a tiny bit easier and my arms started to feel a tiny bit stronger, I realized she was right. 

When you complete a challenging workout, when you lift more weight than you ever thought you could, when you run your first marathon, something inside you changes, and not just your cholesterol. You stare at that exercise DVD, or those weights, or that finisher’s medal and you think, “If I can do that, I can do anything.” 

If you can finish that marathon, you can finish writing that book. If you can stick with that Insanity DVD for 60 days, you can stick with your blog. If you can bench press all that weight, you can press send on that pitch letter to your favorite magazine. 

You can do it. 

Jillian Michaels said so.

What are you fitness plans for August? 

Don't leave your writing success to chance. Pray about it!
(And, yes, I do have Hello Kitty fuzzy dice in my car.)

Do you pray before you write?

I don't.

I pray before I travel, I pray before I teach, and I always pray before I run a 5K or half-marathon. But I don't pray before I write. 

I don't pray before I write because I'm cocky. While I recognize that my writing talent is a gift from God, because writing is so natural to me I tend to think I don't need any extra help. I feel as if God has given me the gift of writing so I can take it from here. But I couldn't be more wrong. 

I may be a good writer, but I'm not a great one, and I could certainly use some supernatural assistance to get me there. Plus, there's so much even beyond the quality of work that a writer should pray about when it comes to her craft. We need to pray for inspiration and we need to pray that our writing will somehow touch the lives of others. 

Chances are, however, you're not the arrogant jerk that I am. Chances are, you don't pray before you write because you feel as if you shouldn't bother God with such things. You believe that prayers of supplication should be reserved for times of dire need or times when you're concerned about the well-being of a loved one. But we are told over and over in Scripture to go to God about everything. 

This is something I've struggled with myself and, believe it or not, God used my car bumper to teach me to pray about all things. Less than one week after I bought the car I'm currently driving I hit a huge gas container that was sitting in the middle of the highway. The result was an unsightly dent in my fender. For weeks I terribly upset about this. I knew it was silly to be so distraught. I should have been happy that no serious damage had been done and thankful to have a car at all. So I prayed and simply asked God to help me get over it. Ironically, I was driving when I decided to pray this prayer and as soon as I said "Amen" Francesca Battistelli's song "Free To Be Me" came on the radio. In case you're unfamiliar with the song, check out the chorus:

'Cause I got a couple dents in my fender 

Got a couple rips in my jeans 

Try to fit the pieces together 

But perfection is my enemy 

On my own I'm so clumsy 

But on your shoulders I can see 

I'm free to be me

As the song played all I could do was laugh. I think I was even wearing ripped jeans that day. Needless to say, I got over the dent in my fender. In fact, I completely forgot it was there. But imagine my surprise (and the one-woman praise party that ensued) when one day later that summer I was washing my car and discovered the dent was gone! 

If God cares about a stupid dent in the bumper of my Mazda 3, certainly He cares about your writing, certainly He cares about you effectively using the gifts He gave you. 

1 Thessalonians 5:17 tells us to "pray continually." 

Philippians 4:6 says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

And in John 14:14 Jesus told his disciples, "You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it." 

So before you write your next blog post, your next article, your next short story or poem, or the next section of your book, pray about the words you will write and pray for the people who will read them. 

For two years now I have led women's small groups through my church. These groups have been on various topics but have all basically been bible study nights that I've held on Monday evenings at my apartment.

This summer I wanted to do something different, but couldn't quite figure out what to do. Each time I'd come up with an idea I'd quickly realize why that idea wouldn't work. A friend of mine suggested I not lead a small group at all this summer since I am, you know, starting a magazine. That's kind of a big deal and will keep me plenty busy. But still, I felt called to lead.

Then one morning during my personal quiet time of bible study and prayer it came to me -- lead a small group for women writers, host it at various local coffee shops, and call it Words With Friends!

I immediately came up with the brief description to include on the online small group directory:

Do you like to write, blog, or journal? Join us this summer for fellowship, quiet time to write, and discussion on how we can use our writing gifts for God.

Still I had my doubts. This seemed too easy. Was this actually an idea from God or was this my own selfish, sneaky mind concocting a way to hang out in a coffee shop and write and call it ministry?

And as the launch date for the summer small group semester got closer, I also started to panic as I realized that I didn't really know what to tell woman who wanted to know how she could use her writing gift for God. Personally, I look to blogs like She Reads Truth and Jamie the Very Worst Missionary for inspiration, but what if blogging isn't your thing? Then what?

My prayer on Saturday had been that I'd receive some sort of inspiration for my small group at Sunday's church service. So I go to church and Steve Blair, a minister at my church, takes the stage to deliver a message that's about ...wait for it... using your gifts for God! I wanted to run laps around the sanctuary I was so excited.

To me this was confirmation that my small group idea truly was from God.

So how can we writers use our writing gifts to serve God? The answer is quite simple really. We must use our writing gifts (or any gifts) to serve people. This will look different for different writers. For me I serve others primarily with See Jane Write. For you, you it may be through a blog. Or maybe you're meant to tutor a student who needs help with composition. Or maybe you can start a creative writing program for at-risk teens or a "write to wellness" workshop for women struggling to cope with hurtful past experiences. The possibilities are endless.

My Words With Friends small group is not limited to women who are members of Church of the Highlands. If you live in Birmingham and you're free on Monday evenings from 6:30 to 8 p.m.  I'd love for you to join me. We'll meet at various local coffee shops. Meetings begin June 3. If you're interested email me at javacia@gmail.com.

Write on and keep the faith!

Run after your dreams with childlike faith!
Image by Mike Baird via Flickr/Creative Commons

We Christians are taught we must have childlike faith in God. We are told to believe everything will work out even when all hell is breaking loose. We are to follow God's lead even when it seems like the maps on his GPS are out-of-date.

I've always struggled with having childlike faith as I'm a person who questions everything and because I am the ultimate control freak. I'm so much of a control freak that I don't even like surprise parties.

Ironically, having childlike faith in God is slowly getting easier as I get older. I'm realizing that most things are out of my control anyway because God is sovereign. And it's becoming easier to accept that God's ways are not my ways and that some things I just won't understand this side of heaven, as the old folks say. But if I truly believe that God loves me then I can trust that whatever happens is in my best interest in the end, even if in the moment it completely sucks.

A few days ago, however, I started thinking about how all of us -- regardless of our religious beliefs -- need to have childlike faith in ourselves.


On Feb. 19, Redhot Writing Hood wrote a great post on kicking self-doubt to the curb. In the post she points out that self-doubt is a learned behavior because as children we believe we can be and do anything. She writes:

As a child we could imagine ourselves as becoming anything in the world, a ballerina, an astronaut, a marine biologist... We never doubted we had it in us to become these things. We saw life through the eyes of our parents and teachers who said we could do anything and be anything... Then as we grew older we start to realize maybe they were wrong.

We start to doubt ourselves because as we grow older we face failure and rejection. But what would happen if we chose to believe in ourselves anyway?

There was a time when I wanted to be the first female president of the United States. When I was a teenager I wanted to launch my own magazine. We let go of some dreams because our goals and interests change. I realized I'm not interested in politics enough to run for any office. But sometimes we let go of dreams because our rational selves, our self-doubt tells us to do so. How on earth could I start a magazine with journalism in such a tumultuous state?

But then I think of my students and how they have yet to let self-doubt discourage them. I think of the boy who believes he will one day be an Oscar-winning filmmaker, the girl who believes she'll one day be a soloist for American Ballet Theatre. And I believe in them too because their passion for their art is so strong. So why can't I believe in myself for the same reason?

Just as I believe God's love for me is strong enough to help me endure any hardship, I need to have childlike faith that my love for writing will be strong enough to make my dreams come true.

Image by Steve Snodgrass via Flickr/Creative Commons

Reset. I entered February with plans of blogging each weekday about regional and national feminist issues. Just one week into the month I've already realized that goal was a bit too lofty. So today I reset and revamp my plans. Beginning Feb. 11 I will post new content each Monday, Wednesday and Friday and my focus will be writing, wellness, and women's empowerment.

Rejoice. At first I felt a bit discouraged when I forced myself to accept that I can't blog as often as I had hoped. But when I began to think about why I can't blog daily, I wanted to do a little happy dance. OK, maybe I did do a little happy dance. I don't have time to blog daily because so many wonderful things are happening right now -- I'm the new race and diversity blogger for my city's NPR station, I'm freelancing for USA Today and several other publications, and See Jane Write is growing like crazy. Furthermore, I want to start guest blogging more to help get the word out about this little site of mine. Thus, my decision to blog less is not one that saddens me because the fact that I need to scale back is just proof that my prayers are being answered and my cup runneth over.

Do you need to change your plans for your blog? What should you be celebrating today?

Image by Erin Kohlenberg via Flickr/Creative Commons

Yesterday my pal Tanya shared a very interesting article with the members of the See Jane Write Facebook group. In this article found on Study Hacks, a website about "decoding the patterns of success," the author argues that "Write every day" is bad advice and uses psychology to support his argument. He suggests that when you resolve to write every day you're setting yourself up for failure. Unless you're a full-time writer, life will get in the way and you will inevitably slip up. And once your plan to write every day fails your motivation for your work-in-progress will be negatively affected and the project you're working on will never get finished. 

While the argument presented in this article is quite impressive and sound, I still want to write daily. Ironically, it was my exercise regimen that taught me the value of writing daily. 

On Dec. 19 I resolved to try to exercise for at least 30 minutes a day every day. I kept this up for about three weeks, but last week I slipped up because I got busy with preparing for a See Jane Write event. So this Study Hacks guy is certainly right about that. When we resolve to do something daily we will almost always slip up. But something else happened. By working out daily those few weeks, exercise became an essential part of my everyday life. Those days I didn't exercise my body felt weird, something felt wrong. It was as if I hadn't brushed my teeth or forgot to put on deodorant. 

And so the slip up did not make me give up on my goal to lose weight and get more fit, it made me more determined. That weird icky feeling I had when I skipped my workout made me want to jump back on the bandwagon, which I did this week. 

I want to write daily because I want to have the same attitude about my craft, my art. I want writing to be as essential to my day as brushing my teeth. 

Furthermore, it was actually easier and more fun to work out daily instead of going to the gym 3 or 4 times a week. And I think this is because I did something that was actually advised in the Study Hacks article. The author of the post explains:

When I’m working on a book, I instead approach each week as its own scheduling challenge. I work with the reality of my life that week to squeeze in as much writing as I can get away with, in the most practical manner. 

This is what I did with my workouts. Instead of telling myself I would go to this aerobics class on Wednesdays, that weightlifting class on Saturdays, and run 5 miles every other day, I looked at my week and figured out what I could realistically squeeze into each day. Sometimes I played Just Dance on my Wii. Sometimes I lifted free weights at home. Sometimes I ran. And sometimes I went to the gym to a group fitness class. 

And I think I can use this same method in my quest to write daily, instead of resolving to write for an hour every morning before work (because that ain't happening). 

And so I still believe "Write every day" is good advice. What about you? 

Today I ended my brief hiatus from running.

Using one of the Hal Higdon programs, I am now training to run my second half marathon. 

I will be honest with you: I don't want to run another half marathon. I'm tired of running. Within the past several months it somehow stopped being fun. Furthermore, I gained weight the last time I was training for the Mercedes Half and since I currently weigh more than I ever have in my entire life, I can't really afford to pack on any additional pounds. 

But I'm training for this race nonetheless. Why? 

Well, I've mentioned before that I'm a quitter. When I get bored with something I have absolutely no problem just walking away. Sometimes this is a good thing. I don't waste time on television shows after the story lines get ridiculous. And, with one exception, I've dropped no-good boyfriends pretty quickly. 

But this can also be bad. I believe one of the reasons I haven't achieved the success I dream of in my writing career is because I don't follow through. I very easily get bored with blogs and book ideas and abandon them for a shiny new project. If I could just stick to something I think I could really have a breakthrough. 

So I'm training for this half marathon as a way of proving to myself that I can follow through. I keep thinking that if I stick to running perhaps through this I can condition myself to stick to other endeavors too and this quitter will finally be reformed. 

Image by robinsonsmay via Flickr/Creative Commons

Yesterday after stuffing myself with turkey, dressing, macaroni & cheese, greens, and yams, I somehow resisted slipping into a food coma and started chatting with my dad about my future. During our talk I announced that I had plans to start my own business, sort of. I saw his face light up. My father, who's always been my biggest cheerleader, was eager to know more. So I started to tell him a bit about See Jane Write and how I had plans to transform my little networking group into a non-profit organization. "OK, tell me what it will do," my pops asked.

I had an answer, a very looong and detailed answer. As I was explaining what See Jane Write has done in the past and what I hope the group will do in the future I felt I was rambling. My father listened intently, hanging on my every word, and showed how confident he was in my future success, but that's because he's my daddy. If I were pitching my idea to a potential sponsor or to a woman I hoped would be part of See Jane Write I would have been tuned out after my first few sentences, I thought.

Immediately after this conversation I decided I needed to draft an elevator speech for See Jane Write. Chances are you need to draft one for one of your project as well, whether it's a business you hope to start, a blog you recently launched, or a book you'd like to publish.

An elevator pitch, as I'm sure you know, is a brief speech that you can use to spark interest in your organization, project, or idea. Obviously, it should last no longer than a short elevator ride of about 30 seconds -- hence the name.

An elevator pitch should answer three important questions -- WHO, WHAT, and WHY -- and should state a goal. Who are you? What do you do and what problem do you seek to solve? Why is your organization/project/idea unique? Explain your short term goals.

Here's what I've come up with:

See Jane Write is an organization for women writers of Birmingham. 
It offers free programs, such as workshops and panel discussions, to help fiction and non-fiction writers sharpen their skills and to help women writers learn how to promote themselves and their work. 
This group also strives to build community among women writers through social media and networking events. 
My hope is to register See Jane Write as a non-profit organization within the next year so that we can be eligible for grants that will allow the group to do even more for local women writers and launch a program for teenage girls interested in writing careers. 

Clocking in at 39.1 seconds, it's a bit long, but I think it will do the job for now. Feel free to leave tips for improvement in the comments.

What's your elevator pitch? 

Cross posted at the See Jane Write blog.

Image by Steven Depolo via Flickr/Creative Commons

 "Can you unscramble eggs?"

When my pastor posted this on Facebook and Twitter Saturday I thought, "That man has been working too hard."

But it all made sense once I went to church Sunday and heard a thought-provoking message on regret delivered by one of our associate pastors.

Regret, much like fear, is something we all experience at some point in our lives whether it's regarding relationships or our career goals. And, unfortunately, regret often keeps us from going to the next level in our relationships and in our careers.

But stewing in regret is as futile as trying to unscramble eggs. Regret tries to convince you that if you feel bad long enough you'll eventually feel better. Regret tells you that if you beat yourself up enough about a bad decision you made, things will eventually improve. This is a lie.

The message to us on Sunday was this: You can't unscramble eggs, but God can.

What I took away was that the keys to getting over regret are forgiveness and focus.

As a Christian I must make sure I truly believe that God forgives me no matter how much I screw up. And all of us, regardless of our faith, must learn to forgive ourselves.

This is easier said than done. One day you think that you've forgiven yourself, that you've finally let yourself off the hook, and then the next day you can barely look at yourself in the mirror.

This is why you need focus. Those "if only" thoughts are bound to haunt you occasionally: "If only I had taken that job and not this one," "If only I had gone out on that date," "If only I had been more responsible with my money."

But when these thoughts try to creep into your mind, get focused! Get focused on your goals and dreams. Turn regret into motivation.

I believe that after God forgives us, God gives us a mission and a purpose to pursue. After you forgive yourself, you need to do the same. Get over it and then get to work!

And don't think that what you've done in the past -- no matter how awful or how stupid -- disqualifies you from doing great things in the future. In fact, you will probably find that it actually qualifies you for the tasks ahead. The lessons you learned from your mistakes can be passed on to others. The weaknesses of your past can be your source of strength in the future, especially if you're a writer. Think of the masterpieces you can create and the lives you can touch thanks to what you've endured. Never underestimate the power of a personal story.

And now you know how to unscramble eggs.

We are all familiar with the notion of the depressed writer, the scribe who is a tortured, tormented soul. Sadly enough, many of my favorite writers committed suicide -- Sylvia Plath, Virginia Woolf, Charlotte Perkins Gilman.

Eat Pray Love author Elizabeth Gilbert (yes, I've been on an Elizabeth Gilbert kick lately) is not OK with this notion that creativity and suffering are inherently linked or the assumption that artistry ultimately leads to anguish. She addresses this in a TEDTalk she gave a few years ago.

Perhaps some of this comes from the fact that everyone around us insinuates that our art is something we should fear -- that we should be afraid of failure, rejection, and writer's block and that even after we find success we should be afraid of never being able to top our big accomplishment.

But as Gilbert asks in her talk, "Is it rational, is it logical that anybody should be expected to be afraid of the work that they feel they were put on this earth to do?"

In her presentation Gilbert offers a new way to think about creativity and this is certainly a talk all writers and artists need to hear.



 

Image by Oliver Kendal via Flickr/Creative Commons

 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

-- Jesus (Matthew 11:28)

I was on an emotional roller coaster in church yesterday. During praise and worship -- the period when we sing songs, close our eyes, and lift our hands to the heavens -- I felt overwhelmed with gratitude as I began to count my blessings. Specifically, I was thinking about the great success I've had with landing freelance writing gigs this year and the success of my women's writing organization See Jane Write. 

But about 20 minutes later I started to feel guilty. Yesterday's sermon was all about slowing down, about making sure you're not so busy that your life gets out of balance and you stop spending as much time as you should with God and with your loved ones. I felt guilty because I had walked into church that morning bubbling over with excitement about all the ideas I have for growing See Jane Write in 2013. And now I felt my ambitions were somehow evil. 

Then my pastor explained that he wasn't telling us we should just give up everything and do nothing. Some of the activities that fill our schedules can actually be life-giving, he said. But the ones that aren't, the ones that leave us feeling empty inside, will eventually lead to burnout. 

The work I do for See Jane Write certainly is life giving, but I still left church knowing I need to work on living a more-balanced life. I must make time to recharge and refuel through prayer and quality time with family and friends and sometimes by just taking a freaking nap! 

All my life I've believe that if I just work harder and harder and harder my dreams will come true. But I'm starting to realize that is not the case. I've always hated the saying "Work smarter, not harder," because I interpreted that phrase as "Take all the shortcuts you can." But that's not it at all. 

During the sermon my pastor compared taking time to recharge and refuel to sharpening a saw. Many of us let our saw get dull and instead of taking a break to sharpen it we keep hacking away at that tree, believing that if we just swing harder and with more might we'll get the job done. But if we would only stop and take time to sharpen the saw then we could chop down that tree with a single swing. 

This week while you're going after your goals and chopping away at your to-do lists, don't forget to sharpen your saw. 

Image by Mike Licht via Flickr/Creative Commons

Last night I decided to marry my blog. 

I've already confessed to falling asleep spooning my iPad so it only makes sense that I take this relationship to the next level. 

So I'm marrying my blog. No, I'm not leaving the hubster. (Does this make me a polygamist?) Let me explain. 

Tuesday night, thanks to a post on BritniDanielle.com, I discovered an essay on writing by Eat Pray Love author Elizabeth Gilbert and read this passage:

I believe that – if you are serious about a life of writing, or indeed about any creative form of expression – that you should take on this work like a holy calling. I became a writer the way other people become monks or nuns. I made a vow to writing, very young. I became Bride-of-Writing. I was writing’s most devotional handmaiden. I built my entire life around writing. I didn’t know how else to do this. I didn’t know anyone who had ever become a writer. I had no, as they say, connections. I had no clues. I just began.

Yes. This. I absolutely believe that writing is my calling, but I can't say I've treated it as such. I've blogged about the importance of writing consistently and seeing writing as a practice, but I've failed to practice what I preach. 

But perhaps if I take my calling as a writer as seriously as I take my calling as a wife to my husband and a daughter of my God I might finally accomplish my goals. 

Gilbert's metaphor resonated with me because I know that when I neglect spiritual practices such as prayer and study of Scripture my relationship with God suffers. God feels distant. Likewise, when I don't spend quality time with my husband our relationship suffers. He feels distant. And when I neglect the practice of writing my relationship with myself suffers. Writing isn't something I do, it's who I am. So when I'm don't write I don't feel like myself. My true self feels distant. 

Blogging is my primary way of practicing my writing so that's the reasoning behind my bloggy matrimony. 

But here's the thing: I'm going to screw up. I'm going to announce a new editorial calendar (that's coming tomorrow), I'm going to stick with it for a few weeks, and then something's going to come up and I'm going to fall off the wagon and skip a day or two or five. That's why the following passage from the Gilbert essay meant so much to me: 

As for discipline – it’s important, but sort of over-rated. The more important virtue for a writer, I believe, is self-forgiveness. Because your writing will always disappoint you. Your laziness will always disappoint you. You will make vows: “I’m going to write for an hour every day,” and then you won’t do it. You will think: “I suck, I’m such a failure. I’m washed-up.” Continuing to write after that heartache of disappointment doesn’t take only discipline, but also self-forgiveness (which comes from a place of kind and encouraging and motherly love).

Forgiveness is essential in any sacred relationship. I sin and God forgives me. I have a bitchy attitude for no good reason toward my sweet husband and he forgives me. I fail at publishing a new blog post every day and I must forgive myself. 

So here we go, writeous blog. It's me and you, together forever. Writing, you are my soul mate and what God has joined together let no man put asunder.  

Image via Flickr/Creative Commons

When I was 15 years old I declared, "When I grow up I'm going to start my own magazine." And for the next few years I would talk to anyone who'd listen about my magazine dreams and even carried around a red binder with plans for my future publication.

Then came adulthood and the decline of journalism and my dreams started to seem more and more impossible. Eventually, I decided it would be best to just abandon this goal.

But no matter how hard I tried to let go of this dream, it refused to let go of me. So today I am declaring that:
God willing, I will one day start my own magazine.

After deciding to make this declaration once again I started thinking about how we all can keep our dreams alive and here's what I've come up with:

Remember to let your dreams evolve. As a teen when I imagined myself as a magazine editor/publisher I imagined myself producing a print publication in chic office in New York. But things change. I changed. Today my dream looks a lot different. My publication will most likely be online and the office I now daydream about is a cozy one in the Innovation Depot here in Birmingham.  But still the dream lives on.

Remember to choose your friends wisely. I have a few close girlfriends that I've been chatting with recently about renewing my commitment to my dream and they have been so encouraging. They've been getting me fired up about going after my goals. If you have friends that are notoriously negative, keep your dreams to yourself (until you find some new friends).

Remember it's not all about you. A woman I know once said that it's important for her to pursue her passions not just for her own sake but for her daughter's as well. It's important for her child to see her be brave enough to go after her goals. Though I'm not a mother I completely understand what she means. Because I don't have kids I'm able to devote a lot of my time to empowering other women -- which is what I think is my life's purpose. So I'm not striving to achieve my dreams simply for my own sake, but to show other women out there that they can do the same.

What dream are you fighting to keep alive?

Photo Credit: University of Scranton Weinberg Memorial Library
Image via Flickr/Creative Commons

If you happened to catch Part 1 or Part 2 of my summer reading list you probably noticed I don't read a lot of fiction. Well, actually, as a teacher of early American literature I read plenty of fiction by the likes of Kate Chopin, Edgar Allan Poe, and Nathaniel Hawthorne. But when it comes to what I read in my free time it's usually non-fiction such as memoirs or collections of personal essays. 

Don't get me wrong. I'm one of those pretentious pricks who say things like "It's such a waste of time to read fiction. I need something real." But because I consider myself a creative non-fiction writer, I mostly read creative non-fiction.

This needs to change. I need to add more fiction to my reading repertoire. Essayists, journalists and memoirists can learn a lot from fiction. Regardless of genre, every writer and every artist is striving to tell a story. What better way to learn the art of storytelling than from great novels and short stories? Fiction, for example, teaches us that stories don't always have to be linear. It's OK to start in the middle or even at the end. 

But wait there's more! 

Reading more fiction might also make you more popular. It's true. From the Harvard Business Review Blog:

“Over the past decade, academic researchers…from York University have gathered data indicating that fiction-reading activates neuronal pathways in the brain that measurably help the reader better understand real human emotion — improving his or her overall social skillfulness.”

So reading more fiction could make me a better writer and a better friend. That's a pretty sweet deal.

What are some of your favorite works of fiction? 

image via

Last week a friend I greatly admire told me she's proud of me. She said she's proud of the work I've done through See Jane Write, the success I've had landing new freelancing gigs, and my efforts to grow this blog.

This really meant a lot to me because she is a very accomplished journalist and a social media guru.

Then she asked, "so where are you going with all of this?"

I had a very profound response to this question: "Uh, I dunno."

And it's true. I have no idea where I would like all this to lead. I have no grand goal in mind. There is no 5-year plan. I wanted to be part of a networking group for local women writers so I started one. After leaving my full-time reporting job for a new career in education I missed seeing my byline, so I started freelancing. I love blogging so I blog. But ask me what's next and I've got nothing. I often talk about making my writing dreams come true, but at this point I'm not even sure what that means.

After our conversation, after this revelation, I proceeded to have a come-apart once my friend and I went our separate ways. "You're 31, Javacia! That's way too old to not have a clear life plan!" I told myself.

Enter U.S. Olympic swimmer Brendan Hansen. (Yes, I'm writing about the Olympics again. We only have one more week. Indulge me.) At 30, Hansen came out of retirement to compete in the London games this year. In an interview with Glamour he talked about the importance of appreciating the journey when you're training for the Olympics:

"I swim four hours a day for two years to prepare for one race that's 59 seconds long and another that's less than two minutes. People are like, 'Why would you do that?' But to me, it's not just about the outcome. When you're in a sport like this, so much of it is the journey and so little of it is the race."

This quote brings me comfort even though swimming has very little to do with writing. I'm enjoying blogging. I'm enjoying organizing events for See Jane Write. I'm enjoying reporting and writing. I'm enjoying this journey.

This doesn't mean I don't need a plan. I still think I need one and hope to figure that out soon. But in the meantime, I'm going to keep having fun.

Do you have a life plan? What are you doing to enjoy the journey?